{came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity}
AL asked me if I thought this program would work for me? I thought it was a trick question and told him I would get back to him on that.
I told him that I dont know what sanity is, he explained to me that the big book of AA says what kind of thinking preceeds the first drink ( INSANE THINKING ) he said do you think you can drink safe again ? he told me step two more or less is do you want to continue with the rest of the steps. this is a step you will learn more about later.

thank you for your comments

STEP 1.
(We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable) .my sponsor I'll call Al ask me whats makes you powerless over alcohol ? I told him because I'm an alcoholic he said no thats not it, he told me for the next couple of days think what makes you powerless over alcohol .
well to tell you the truth I went to the saturday ask a basket meeting and put that as a question in the basket, and what I came away with was ,when I took the first drink I couldn't stop ,the alcohol controled me I didn't control it.
how was my life unmanageable, my whole life revoled around alcohol , where I lived it was ok to drink at 6:00 in the morning, my job where it was allright to come in buzzed , the people "OH MY GOD" the people I use to hang around with, them and me low life and thats really hard to say.So when I talked to AL about this ,he said lets move onto step two

thank you very much for your comments

Every day a group of people would leave about 11:30 , and I'm not going to tell you where I thought they were going ,but it wasn't nice . I was going to the 8:30 AA meeting every night but they were different than the AA meetings I went to before all I ever heard was some drunk telling us how big of a drunk he was and then he would bragg on how much stuff he has today. But at these meetings, open meetings ,and one was ask a basket meeting, all the people would say whats going on in there lives, to tell you the truth it was very interesting to hear other people that had problems with alcohol, its not just the drinking its what you have to deal with every day,well I found out where all those people were going, there was a 12:00 AA meeting every day at the same club and on sundays it was at 10:00. I'm still having a problem my mind is racing, I'm still shaking, and all I can think about is drinking . I started to go to the noon meetings and there was one guy I really like when he shared he was real, alot of people seamed really phony , there was one guy who came in with me and he'd already found God ,acceptance, working the steps this guy was moving right along ,and I was stuck on if I wanted this or not I couldn't imagine life with or without alcohol. I went up to the guy I liked and asked him if he would be my sponsor,he looked at me and said do you want to get sober,I told him I don't know, but they told me if I drink again I would die.he said he would give it a try.

thank you for your comments

Little did I know the decision, would change my life forever.The doctor got me an interview, I was wondering why I needed an interview
they could see I was a drunk, to make a long story short they accepted me, now what was I suppose to do for the next 2 years . I was amazed that this was my fourth day with out a drink and I was hurting bad real bad, it was the kind of pain I knew a drink would make it go away just 1 drink. I asked them If I could go to the store and get some smokes? and they laugh hard really hard they told me that I couldn't go anywhere by myself for the next week , but they gave me a C for trying "NO DRINK TODAY" they assigned someone to take me around and show me the place,his name was Bill that had been there for about 18 months he was a drunk to , he showed alot of gratitude ,I just didn't understand how someone could be happy and not drinking at all ,in the back of my mind I was thinking no way what about birthdays ,xmass ,new years and other holidays they had to be drinking sometime you just can't quit and never have a drink again.WHAT I WANT WAS TO DRINK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE , have a few drinks with the guys after work and then go home and have a few more and then eat dinner,but It wasn't like that, every time I'd pick up a drink I got drunk, even when I knew I had a big day coming up that night I would still get plastered. the rest of the day I was pretty much alone not many people came up to me, even my 3 room mates didn't say much , when I was drinking all I wanted was to be left alone, I quess I got my wish. The next few days were hell I couldn't sleep my nerves were shot and I couldn't stop shaking,I couldn't sit still, I kept thinking how did I ever let it get this far ,my life was in shambles.The last 8 years of my drinking I had to have at least 3 beers in the morning just to calm down ,a few beers at lunch and 3:30 then I started to really drink and that would be a good day when I worked , on days off it was one after another till I passed out and when I woke up it started all over again my whole life revolved around alcohol.Well I found out more about the treatment center they call it the last house on the block,to get in a person has to be homeless, alcohlic or addict of the hopeless kind.the first thing they told me to do was go to 90 meetings in 90 days, and I found out that doesn't mean 2 meetings one day and skip the next. they told me to look for a sponsor to take me threw the 12 steps, I'd had know idea what they were talking about ,what the hell is a sponsor ? well they gave me a schedule for the groups I had to make while I was there every morning 8:00 morning meditation I'll tell you right now I never got that my mind races to much, then the morning walk very embarraassing what if someone seen me, and after that exercise I felt like a total jerk that all took about 1 and 1/2 hours and on tuesday we had a 10:00 group wensday a 1:30 group and friday a 10:00 group and sunday night a 7:00 A A meeting ,and these were all mandatory not bad. ok now on my way to the 12 steps of AA and to find out about that sponsor.

I really appreciate the response ive been getting and I really like the comments to

I'm not very good at spelling but I do have a good message about getting sober and staying sober. I'm not a treatment center I'm a real person.
first I have to make a decision if I want this ? do I think I,m to far gone for this to work? or maybe I don't get into trouble every time I drink but every time I'm in trouble i've been drinking. have I've lost my family or about to. what about work missing days can't get along with the boss there could be a 100 reasons, mine was I could quit anytime if I wanted to, but I couldn't I can't control it I can't quit I was lost hopeless and scared . One day I
I was walking home from the little store were I bought my beer I had a case of beer in my hands and two little boys were walking towards me one whisper something to the other boy and he said "don't worry about him he's just a drunk" I got home and sat on the couch and tears came to my eyes there is a lot of things I would like to be remembered for but not a "DRUNK".

That night I said a prayer I asked god to end this, I can't go on living like this, what I wanted was to go to sleep and not wake up.
well that didn't work and I didn't think it would because "GOD HAS BEEN PUNISHING ME FOR A LONG TIME WHY WOULD HE HELP ME NOW".
Something happen that day, I must have drank a case of beer and I wasn't getting DRUNK, but I had tears come to my eyes every hour, I couldn't understand what was happening to me.
Later that day someone stopped over and he looked at me and said Mike you need help, he told me my skin and eyes had turned yellow,
He asked me how I felt I told him I don't know I'm not feeling anything I'm telling you I was scared and I asked him to take me to th V.A hosp. that night they checked me out and told me I could wait there till the next morning and there would BE someone then that "might" be able to help me.
the next morning I was laying over a few chairs, little did I know I WAS ABOUT TO HAVE ONE OF THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was about 6:00 in the morning and I had the shakes bad real bad I asked a nurse if there was a store near buy she said no I'm telling you I needed a drink, it had only been about 9 hours since my last drink I knew then that there was no way I could detox by myself.
there is a lot of people that can detox with the help of family and friends and the help of a twelve step program, but I was to far gone I needed professional help.
After about an hour went by which seemed like 12 hrs they sent me up to the fifth floor ,notice I know how to spell fifth. again another wait,I went up to the nurses station and ask if there were a place near by where I could get some smokes again the big NO she told me if I left the bldg. that I would not be allowed back in she knew I was trying to get a drink, I was shaken so bad I couldn't sign my own name on the sign in sheet.I finally got to see the doctor and the first thing he said was I don't think we can help you,I looked at him and said I'm a disabled American veteran you have to help me, he looked at me and said you don't understand you may not detox. he took my blood pressure, everyone keeps taking my blood pressure, it was 200 over 120, he told me he was going to admit me and my chances were slim . all my life I use to brag ,I've lived the life of 2 men and if I was to die tomorrow it wouldn't matter. when he told me that I started to cry I didn't want to die not at 43 years old .
For the next 48 hours I was locked in a ward and my blood pressure was going up and down, they gave me some medication, my insides felt like they were all twisted up, my head was ready to explode and my whole body was shaking finally the third day I was able to eat something, not much but something . I kept thinking what have I done to my life, I was raised in north Chicago and came from a good family not rich and not poor either, my parents taught me good morals made sure I had everything I needed and alot of the things I wanted . I started drinking when I was 12, mostly on weekends both my parents drank so beer was easy to get I would take one and hide it every night in our fruit cellar and at the end of the week I would have plenty ,my friend would do the same ,and as I got older my drinking got worse buy the time I was 16 I was drinking almost every night.
Then on my 17th birthday a bunch of us went drinking and got caught open beer in the car transporting alcohol as a minor, I seen the judge the next day and he told me either join the service or I was going to get jail time, well a 17 year old blond kid in a Chicago jail well to make a long story short I was in the army boot camp 2 weeks later. One thing I can say for the next 2 years I didn't drink that much I went in a spoiled punk heading the wrong way with the wrong people, and came out a man with respect to others.
After that the drinking started to get more and more because now I could drink in bars.I'm not going to bore you with the next 25 years of my drinking because this is not about that its about getting sober and making the decision to stay sober.The third day my blood pressure started to get stable , I think it was 145 over 90. that day the doctor who admitted me came to see me , he told me it was a miracle that he was even talking to me , he said he works with alcoholics every day and said he never seen anyone in my shape pull through
He told me that I had to make a decision , either to drink and die, which would not take long or get help he talked to me for awhile and told me that he knew of a place that might take me, it was a treatment center that deals with people like me more less the hopeless kind . who have tried to get sober or straight and failed time and time again, it was a 2 year program in Tampa, Florida, he believed he could get me in if I wanted to .
Well being homeless now no job and to tell you the truth I was unemployable my family had given up on me and I knew if I didn't get help I would be "DRUNK" by tomorrow .well I made a decision and said YES.